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Slightly Damaged

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Wow, has it been awhile. [07 Nov 2007|05:40am]
[ mood | content ]

I will sum up the huge changes in my life.

I came. I saw. I survived Iraq. I survived the military.

I am a free women again with a wonderful husband and a lil 7 month old boy named Jaiden.

I wish that everyone in the world could spend just a week in Iraq. My god would your perception change.
Sand, sand, sand and flat. A 360 degree horizon line. Can you imagine? Even imagining isn't even close to seeing. 

My respect for the other soldiers that I stood side by side with has increased double fold.
You think you life is bad? Try 15 hours shifts eveyday for 15 moths straight. I ate some of the most vial ass food, had to be subjected to porta john's and oh yeah, few showers. It was worth every second though. A tremendous deal of gratitude and appreciation welled up inside me during my duration. I spoke to many Iraqi's and learned much about how humble and giving they are. If only Americans could have the kind of perception these people had. They are literally living in dirt houses with minimal possession and yet they still have the kindness of giving. Many teenage kids worked with me. Just for a bases, these kids told me that if they were caught playing outside when Saddam was around, they would be shot on sight, no questions asked.
They idealized the freedoms of America. There is hope for the future I believe. The people in power are living in the past, in fact almost as far back as the crusades. Some how the middle east was just left behind. But I saw progress, I saw hope.
The fact of the matter is that this is a religious and drug based war.
The terrorist groups, no big surprise, are the drug suppliers of the world.
For example, almost all of the worlds Heroin is grown in the middle east, not to mention hashish and marijuana and every other thing you can think of that will grow in thier climate. Americans are interferring with thier drug trafficing and the drug runners are retaliating with vicious force because that is all they know to support thier lively hood. 
Most of the killings are terrorist groups, or civilians paid by terrorist groups , driving bomb rigged vehicles into public places or road side bombs. 
It is sad to hear from the locals that thier poverty is so great they are willing to help an enemy to feed thier family ( and yes the terrorist groups are responsible for more deaths then should every be known.) But what can you do when you have no food in your stomach? 

War always has controversy. However, if we did not go to Iraq, well then Iraq would have came to us, now which would you rather? I just wish people would do thier own research and see what information is out there that they haven't heard of. 

Being a soldier is the ultimate sacrifice and it makes me livid when some ignorant moron has an opinion about the military without ever having done it themselves. Trust me, you have NO idea.

Respect the soldiers, they are not just some government machine.

Well... anyway.

I am growing my dreads out again and becoming very creative in ways I never thought possible.
My lil son helps me out with painting and such... oh yeah and destroying things.
Now that is a whole nother ball game...watching a baby grow. It is amazing to see the wonder and discovery in thier eyes. A truely precious event that should be cherished.
Speaking of Jaiden, he is getting bored.

if anyone I know well is still interested in contacting me gypseguide@hotmail.com is my current e-mail address.

I wish you all well in your endeavors.
Don't take life for granted.

6 slaps| slap my ass

the military life [09 Oct 2005|08:50pm]
I have presently joined the largest cult in the world...
what cult is this?.. none other than the US Army.
Such a strange turn of events has brought me here...and I can only hope I'm still tripping.
I am willing and will try anything in life once...I have not yet found a reason not to...hence my decision.
This environment is completely opposes my original personality. Just the thought of a uniform at first terrified my creative side, yet I percerviered and I still somehow stand out of the crowd... not so much to my benefit for the Drill Sergeants learn my name quickly. I personally think they get a kick out of saying it... over and over... even in my dreams they persist.
I feel that everyone should have to experience this sometimes overwhelming style.
Not only does it instill disipline.. but it requires team work.. can you imagine? That word team work seems to have died out as quickly as latin in the turn of the century. The thought of acutally helping each other to accomplish a goal. The mere simplicity of it all...to suddenly realize that "I" doesn't exist here.. God how I wish others would realize. If you just put down the "I'm better than you" front...that fucking highschool bullshit that still lingers in the "grown-up" wanna be mature world that plague's society...seeing fuckin plastic faces and false personalities...and for what? To be something your not? To be fucking fake and flake of into a mold of what others tell you is right? If only I could reach your mind. and expand it. The potential that humans posses is infinite..yet that stubborn, fuckin id of the mind..holds all that back...and only you have the power to break free..yet you don't.. why? What source of power has convinced you that you must be in this mold or else...or else fucking what? Or else someone might see you for who you are? Is that what scares you? Afraid to be true... I laugh at you. Than you live a lie. And where does that bring you? And for how long can you maintain this conjured up shit...how long till you break.. down and realize what a waste of life you have made... perhaps you should take an introverted look and see whats really good. For the good of humanity bring back the draft..and I pray people like ashely simpson will have to experience what its like to fucking scrub a floor. Or eat only when told to...or to fucking watch your buddies back so both of you don't get shot. To help others above yourself. What a fuckin concept. To get your ass smoked for an hour because your buddy fucked up...to help you realize you have to help them if you don't want to push all day. I love the fact I have been brought here. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger... and soon I shall be airborne. I embrace the incredible feeling of gravity...the image of weightlessness....suspension for a moment...I am mentally and physically stronger that I have ever been in life! The body does what the mind tells it to do... Pain is only weakness leaving the body and I swear to you I am stronger that most men here because I do just that...the mind is simple incredible and I can only wish that some would stop and THINK hahahaha... can you imagine.. think for a fucking change and see what happens. You may be surprised.
keep it real
16 slaps| slap my ass

[15 Feb 2005|08:12pm]
Happy Valentines Day
o a e
r i n
r n y
3 slaps| slap my ass

[09 Dec 2004|08:57am]
The more you grow up, the more shit comes into perspective.
I realize that most highschool friendships were a shame.
It seems to me..."How easily we forget..."
A friendship can't be one-sided.. and it's so sad.
You genuinely care... and they genuinely don't care if you do
What was highschool/middleschool... to you?
A joke?
A way to pass the time...
It's funny how, even now, I look back an realize how much time and energy I wasted on trying to be friendly to people who are fake.
That's right... fucking plastic
"I am so holy", "I am a product of all that is good"...
Oh yeah, ok, suuurreee you are.
To bad your the only one who thinks so.
And I'm not alone on this one...
others see it to, oh! but wait... that doesn't matter to you.
So, yet again, am I wasting my time trying to communicate with a brick wall?
Why did I even start writing this?
Probably because I feel badly that highschool was just fucking FAKE!
Your all fucking Fake!!
Oh... but you'll be at my funeral right?
Sitting there, crying... "Oh..I'm really going to miss her..."
Don't fucking cry for me... cause you had a chance to fucking hang-out with me... and despite all my efforts you refuse...
It's so fucking amazing to me.
Why do I bother?
Oh.. that's right cause I care... what the fuck is wrong with me?
Why do I have to care.. I fucking shouldn't, the feeling isn't mutual.
Soo... I think I'm going to stop trying.. until you fucking try something!!
What the fuck is wrong with you?
I want to live a perfect little life, with my perfect little boyfriend... that is definitly the most important thing in my life... despite he doesn't know shit about who you really are...
He doesn't see how easily you push those that were there for you when you were nothing away!
hahaha... oh god why do I bother? I think it's a curse.
This entry isn't going to change anything, I know that.
You'll be the same fake bitch...
and I'm still going to try and be your friend...
hahahahahahaaa..... well no, not anymore, because I'm going to wait until you try and contact me, call me, write me... any fucking thing! But... I know you won't... so there goes another person who cared about you, but in turn will never talk to you again at your own discretion.
Thank you Plastic smile.
10 slaps| slap my ass

[30 Nov 2004|10:32am]
You scored as Pissed at the World Cat. And here we have the next serial killer. Try having some cotton candy, it'll make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, Psycho.


Pissed at the World Cat


Love Machine Cat


Derranged Cat


Drunk Cat


Ninja Cat


Couch Potato Cat


Nerd Cat


Which Absurd Cat are you?
created with QuizFarm.com
slap my ass

Equilibrium [05 Nov 2004|02:07pm]
[ mood | mischievous ]

I really need a van, so anyone reading this in the New York area, holla.

I am going down to NYC really soon, curtosy of DCC.
Only 6 bucks round-trip ticket, can't go wrong.
subway fun pass was 3 dollars last time I was there...
but you know that city.. mmmhhmmmm....
I'm going 5- finga discount shoppin!
and I'll buy some stuff...
but for the most part *winks*

Is this semester really almost over?
I can only pray and hope

Nicole, where the fuck are you?
fuckin call me biotch.

And to anyone else reading this who I haven't talked to in awhile... I'm sorry, I've been busy, that doesn't mean I don't wanna spray paint "Hannaford can swallow my load" on the wall wit ya' all.

slap my ass

Got some free time... [20 Sep 2004|12:24pm]
So I'm working at the gym on campus.
What do I do? I'm sure your all wondering...
It's quite easy you see. I do copies, and mail runs..and type journal entries cause I have access to a computer... pretty easy.
I hear more gossip here in a day when you would on a episode of seventh heaven, jesus.
I went to a free reggae show down by the water front in Poughkeepsie.
I had a very interesting time to say the least.
At first I was just enjoying this free music, they were actually very good...
Anyway.. So a very minutes goes by and this older gentleman, slightly creepy, comes up next to me and stares for awhile. Of course I was feeling a little uneasy bout the whole thing, so I said "What's up?" So at least he could say a few words, maybe that will get rid of him... alas, such is not.
I have to continue converting with this trippin fool. crazy.
The night goes on.
I have smoked up a little more...
Suddenly I'm back in front of the concert and curious about where that intoxication aroma of sweet ganja is coming from.
I move forth through the crowd trying to find a friend.
I get pretty close and just feel the need to dance, so I did.
I hear "I like your dreads"
from behind me and as I turn this hot chick is smiling in my face, so of course I try to be nice and strike up some conversation with her as she eyes me down.
I figure at least this is better then the dead head stalker.
Then kim introduces me to her elderly biker friend Pierre.
Pierre is obliterated is seems... and more and more this is feeling like a three some effort then a friendly conversation.
I start to hear that little voice saying... "don't u need something to drink?"
So I try to politely exit this situation.
Pierre of course just didn't want to see me go...so he tries to kiss me. Wow...
Definitely time to go elsewhere...
Finally the fireworks are about to start...
Could this be a peaceful moment of enjoyment?
Ha... nope its weirdos birthday!
So I'm standing at the edge, where rock meets water, breathless for some fireworks... and some freedom, but its someone's birthday!
yeeaaahhh... woohoo.. and I am now is personal entertainer for the whole show..
Alls I can say is he was out there...
some kind of scary, wanna be, theater teacher that just wasn't good enough style.
His laughing was a bit irritating too, but I figured it's his birthday, so bear that emulsifying noise.
Overall I had a fuckin good time though.
2 slaps| slap my ass

For Your Entertainment.... [17 Sep 2004|12:42pm]
Paulie, motha fuckin g funk.

Word life. Im at Dutchess, again. Final horray. I have to go to Astronomy soon, I really love this class. The Universe is a very complex, yet intriging space. There's got to be something more to life then what we know. I worry bout you paulie sugar boy. Need to stop that tweakin witout me... understand? :) diana I miss you, for the record I would love to see you soon. I want to break free... I want to break free...these confindes of DCC... feels more like DCJ... hahahaaa.... which I visit often. Right on. My parents are going away for almost a week! party at my house!! all invited who read this... they leave Sunday i think thats the 19th.. and they wont be back till the 24th... so get ready to have some fun motha fuckr. Paulie I miss u baby. Please stay safe out there.. please slap Nicole for me... I miss how she use to be... well how she still is I suppose... just overwhelmingly consumer by that crytal method ball.

1 slap| slap my ass

[14 Aug 2004|04:51pm]
so, yeah...

I have been up to finding away to make that mighty dollar...
blessed art thou greenry
Thinking dealin at DCC is promising.
After that...
I need enough money to buy a RV... or just a Van with a bed is fine.
Then I'm off to travel the land...
The whole U.S.
Every State... then the world...
I've been thinking bout the Americorp deal.. and the Peacecore...
looks good..and they pay for your way of travel..sweet
I need to get to Europe soon...or Canada even...
somewhere where I can pursue my life long dream as a professional pot grower...and different brands... beautiful.
It will happen
I give it 5yrs.
6 slaps| slap my ass

Ah-ha yeah [08 Jun 2004|10:54pm]
[ mood | discontent ]

I find it really sad when someone I have known less then 3 months is treating me better
then a so called "friend" I have spent 3 years with. Haa.. life changing experience, countless time, countless debt...and yet still slapped in the face? After all that effort ..aww to bad.
What a friend.
I would like my shit back if you are going to refuse a conversation with me.
You are in the wrong and you choose to ignore it.
Never apologize for your fucked up shit.
Thanks for taking my vcr and 20.00 bucks out of my car.
I have your grandmothers belt I will exchange for my fucking shit.
Thanks for letting me walk for almost 2hrs until someone finally picked me up...
thanks for hitting a tree and then never fucking saying I'm sorry...
I guess your just use to bringing me into life threatning situations.
I really can't believe you...do you have any sense of moral?
Perhaps something, somewhere in your fucked up self is saying..."Hmm...maybe I should fucking say something, do something to make up for that?" Ahhhahaa... oh god that was good wasn't it?
You come to me and say your sorry?
Ahhahahaa.. god that is just to funny.
Hmmm.. everytime it was me who came to you to talk... how sad is that? And I usually didn't do anything.
And now that the tables are turned look what happens.
What a surprise.
Your so fucked up.

3 slaps| slap my ass

[22 May 2004|11:56am]
[ mood | weird ]

2 weeks going and still unemployeed!
yeah, yeah... give it up.
It was well worth it though...
finally telling that asshole assistant manager to fuck off!
thinking about working up at Mohonk if I can.
if not, maybe I'll joinin on the fun at dutchess green arc!

Went out thursday night...new paltz...
ran into a childhood friend I haven't seen, nor did I recognize, since i was like 9yrs old! She recognized me though somehow...despite the height I've gained along with the dreads...crazy how life works out sometimes. For the record, her name is Karen.

I finished off school with outstanding grades! : two D's and two F's! woooohooo... what I find most amusing about this is I did better then I thought!
I had so many absences and missing tests and blah, blah I was expecting three F's...
I think I just found out that Dutchess is not for me...it's just like highschool..and that's the main reason I stopped going.

I hope everyone is doing well
Sendin my love

3 slaps| slap my ass

Stolen from ryan [30 Apr 2004|10:37am]
First best friend: Angelica & still is.
First job: Technically babysitting, but on the books: The Rocking Horse Ranch... how I hated it.
First screen name: hahah I don't fuckin remember, I do remember though that is was the name of my television set, because I couldn't think of anything else... oh, oh... it was something like brokzonic.
First self purchased album: oh god, you people are killin me! It was probably Marilyn Manson, Smells like children, but it wasn't for me.
First crush: Ummm.... I don't remember the kids name, but I was 5 or so and we were at one of my mom's friends houses and there was a map in their bedroom, so we snuck in there and planned out where we were going to live the rest of our lives...it was precious.
First funeral: Umm... damn these are hard questions, I've been to alot...Im going to say My cousin Bruce Reitano's mother.
First true love: True love, well if it were true love, you would still be with them right? So in that case: to be determined.
First enemy: Umm...Real enemy: Simeon Signor & of course our last names were so close that we always were near each other.. ahahahahaa...life is funny.

Last cigarette: about an hour ago
Last car ride: today about 30min ago, coming to Dutchess & realizing how much I really hate it. ahahah Com233 I hate u.
Last bus ride: My last bus ride was on the Highland Central Schoolbus.. aaahh ha. Not sure when.
Last good cry: Umm.... dont remember...
Last library book: A book on Skepticism (probably spelt that wrong).
Last movie seen: Maybe it was Hellraiser?
Last beverage drank: Organic green tea.
Last food consumed: Spagetti
Last Crush: Chris Ross
Last phone call: I think it was Chris.
Last tv show watched: Oh damn... I don't really watch t.v. anymore... I think it was Family Guy.
Last time showered: Well I went to a waterfall yesterday...that counts right? :)
Last shoes worn: Combat boots
Last annoyance: Getting this fuckin lab 4 audio cd done!
Last disappointment: realizing my car is going to shit the bed real soon.
Last ice cream eaten: Carmel Sutra, Hagendaz
slap my ass

So much to say... yet speechless [21 Apr 2004|05:19pm]
[ mood | excited ]

Whats up,

Yeah, it's been awhile. I have been up to a lot. Too much I fear. I haven't been to school in days, wondering if my teachers consider me dead. The fact of the matter... my car got impounded. Yeah you would think that a car with out insurance, with out legal plates and with out valid registration might prevent me from driving it... alas, such is not so. I had a great time seeing it go though. Actually, I found it quite hilarious. I was with my friend Chris when it happened. hahahah... just thinking about it puts a grin on my face...

Sooo.. that story goes like this... Thursday night I get out of work to a phone call from Chris inviting me to a smoke session with his friend Mike, who by the way owed me :) Soo.. anyway. We smoke and go down to the Kedem winery, an abandoned winery at that, in Milton and start jumping on freight trains.. ah what fun. Then we decide to leave after throwing rocks, breaking into the winery, and smoking some more. We then go to the Elementary playground were one of my fellow classmates was, that was unplanned. We get on the swings, fuck around on the seesaw, all that good gravy shit. Then mike wants to go home, so we bring him home and then I suggest so joyriding fun in my prestigious pontiac.
The fun begins...... I drive up around where the waterfront is in highland, trying to find the fucking top of it where there is a clear view of the bridge.... hahaha.. never got there :) Soo... in my frustration I decided to start driving on peoples lawns and hitting mail boxes... haha..
It was so fucking funny. People with there shocked faces... what the fuck you on my lawn for!? hahaha... good shit. So of course.. after hitting up several houses.. the cops show up... More fun begins...
They throw on their lights as soon as they see my car. Harassment, Harassment is what their good at. So I had no ID on me or registration, off to a good start. They shine their flashlights, desperately trying to find some reason to search my car. After repeatedly asking me the same fucking question for several minutes... they final stubble upon the 11 03 registration placed in my window.. haha, mind you its 04 04 hahahah... so then its, could you please step out of the car and your friend to, time. So after another desperate attempt to pin me with something other then the 3 tickets I got, (registration, plates, insurance),the officer comes back from the car with a semi-grin on his face...and I quote.. "There are two things im not, that's rich and stupid" (got did I want to bust out laughing), so he throws down some ez-wider rolling papers and 1 fucking metal screen (for a bowl) I had... again I really wanted to laugh in his face... but anyway.. I said that I role my own cigarettes cause it's cheaper and the screen I don't know about...I just thought it was really fucking funny cause they couldn't do shit with that! aahh ha pigs, fucks. So I watched my beauty get towed away. Ahhhhh and that's just one story! hahahah... wish I had more time to type....

2 slaps| slap my ass

MMM yeah [31 Mar 2004|04:59pm]
[ mood | exanimate ]

Surprise, Im wearing a disguise.

Hmm.... so I really am ready to embrace the west side.
Im hot and ready ;)
Berningman calling me for a festival of love and memories...
I think it would be a great experience.
Fuck Dutchess, Fuck New York..

So I have a few things on my mind.
Become a stripper?
Become a yogi?
Become a dread/ braid stylist?

Ultimate destination: Amsterdamn baby.
the fun never ends.. and constant bombardment of knowledge and creativity...
could this be heaven?
A shroom, an experience...
discovering the meaning... direction...
of life.

Dont spread yourself to thin Seattle lovin! Remember anne? *twitchy twitch*
dont end up like that....

Im getting a trailer for free :)
I will live in it...
and since money is required... Im gonna need a little help from my friends.. haha..
pimpin aint easy...
fuck it man
ooooohhhh take the money and run :)

remember the love, always
p.s.- Nicole, be on the look out for incoming mail.

slap my ass

This one goes out to you. [23 Mar 2004|02:07pm]

It's to bad man that you had to go like that. I will remember the band trips, the orange juice, and of course your bicycling skill. You were a funny guy with a good heart and you left that with me. I'm going to miss all the times I cheated off of you & all the times you would try and help me study instead. I will miss all those time I tried to get you to teach me chinese, well manderin. I will keep those little sayings you wrote in my yearbook dear to me. May your journey be peaceful. I love you.

Beans and Rice for life.
3 slaps| slap my ass

[06 Mar 2004|02:44pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

I am drowning so fast
and no ones around....
maybe my next life will be better.

4 slaps| slap my ass

I love nicole. [01 Mar 2004|05:28pm]
Oh nicole,
It was suppose to be a surprise!
I am coming out there, and I will be dead sexy and ready to rock Seattle out with you and the rockstars I dream to be apart of.
I will be famous and I want you there to dj for me, dj nikki!
you won't believe how good I have gotten...
and it is so time to have the fucking rockinest band ever to emerge from Seattle, don't you think? :)
I love you, I love you.
Don't forget that... we've been through a lot & we have a lot more to do...
Berningman this summer...
I will live in Seattle till December because I want to go to Purchase but, must get a real portfolio together and impress the hell out of those people!
But that takes time... so Seattle here I cuuummm ;)
Nicole, please understand that I really want to be there with you and see how awesome you have become. I want to be a part of, but I'll stuck till may.
I am making some cooler friends here so, If I waited till you got out of college in June...
you could come here... chill with some of my newer friends...
Then we can drive all summer, where ever...
I want to, I don't know how to prove it, except to do it.
so I will
we should talk soon :)
love ya gurlie *winks*
3 slaps| slap my ass

Fake fucking people.... [23 Feb 2004|12:04pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

So I like when my "friends" blow me off.
Especially after you try calling them several times...
Life that busy?
Ahhh ha.. I see your just so cool now that you don't have time for the people that really cared about your ass and where there to shell out money and time when it was needed the most.
Forget what I said, It don't mean shit now then.
Obviously all the comforting and concern was just in vain and turned out to be pointless.
Maybe I should just be like my other friends and treat everyone like shit and make you feel guilty so you could send me some drugs that I'll just get pissed off about cause it smells funny instead of appreciating the jesture..
I think I just had it wrong all along... my mind set has just changed so I can be a straight up dick face and asshole and then you can buy me stuff.
Thanks for you help
Fuck you all.

1 slap| slap my ass

[18 Feb 2004|09:28pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

I don't see the point in reading cocky entries
people change I guess
that's to bad.

1 slap| slap my ass

Alcoholic Found... [02 Feb 2004|05:26pm]
So I went to Oneonta... or should I say Stoneonta over the weekend.

That shit sure was crazy.
The first night I went to a Wine and Cheese Party!
Ohhh yeah ;) I got really drunk off of some fancy White wine... couldn't tell you what it was... Ummm.. walked with Lauren to another party at around 12:00am, smoked some pot... then fell into a few snowbanks until we stumbled into a club that was really dead...but me and Lauren danced anyway! Then I had some guy wrap his arm around me for a while... saying o.k. you lead... Urrr.. then he left, but told me to meet him in the "alley".. yeah whatever... So we go to the bus stop after that to go home and possibly find Paul cause his ass got kicked out of the party... to drunk.... to many drunk people... but he was already asleep.

Next night
We smoke all day with Lauren's friends Justin and some guy... begins with and "S" ahhh... I doesn't matter... so everyone was sharing weed... and I got really high... but the conversation with them was kind of dragging... they were very concerned with the Freeza Saga and Dragon Ball Z, so we bounced. Watched the Clockwork Orange and then got ready for the Around the World party. Holy Shit. My head was spinning around the world that's for sure.
I had around 6 jello shots, 2 huge glasses of some Caribbean mixed drink, at least 2 shots each of tequila and whiskey, Numerous shots of amaretto, some vodka and a lot of smoking. I had some guy profess his love for me in a mirror... we were sooo meant to be cause I was so beautiful... and he kept kissing my face, but I just couldn't make-out with him.. mainly cause his like brother or something was just standing there watching.. kind of creepy. Then I made it to the cab when all the alcohol I had been drinking finally caught up with me and hit me like a sack of potatoes!
For the rest of the night I was violently pucking and trying to chew on a cracker, but just couldn't, then drank water only to see it again in about 10 minutes... hahaha..
Somehow made it into a bed and in the morning spent some more time pucking and waiting for the opportunity when I could blast myself again. ha ha ha...

Can't wait for next weekend ;)
10 slaps| slap my ass

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